My heart feels heavy. I can't figure out what's going on in my life. In my brain. Work is so stressful for no reason. My heart is so... I don't even know if it's my heart. My body doesn't want to accept changes I know that need to be made.
I keep getting the lingering feeling I had when Chrys and I first got together.
Break up with him. He'll do it to you first-- beat him to the punch.
Why do I feel this way? It's a weird feeling of unworthiness. I love spending time with Kanz. I think I fear that he doesn't feel as strongly about me. I think that's where a lot of my fear comes from. I fear I love too hard or even am at the point of obsession. Heavy infatuation?
Does he like spending time with me? Am I just pressuring him to do these things and he feels bad? I know that that's not true-- he asked yesterday when he could come back to our place! And he said he may come over again to spend the night tonight. I think that's something?
He said he loves me.
Why?
Is that selfish of me to want to know? It's selfish of me to keep him to myself. I want... I just don't know what he sees in me. Am I just a cool friend he likes to fuck and spend time with? I know that's not true. I can't wrap my head around why he wants a relationship with me. For shits and giggles? To see where it goes? I'm just.. I fear the unknown. I crave a sense of stability. But this taking life one day at a time thing is... Really tough.