Kanz and I broke up.
I broke up with him.
This was the hardest decision of my life. I love him so so much. He went out with someone last night and he talked about the synchronization he experienced with her. Something he had been looking for since he was a teenager, he said. The issue at hand was that she was not polyamorous.
He wanted to collaborate with her in regard to music and art. She was a professor at a university and taught classes about documentaries-- something he wanted to pursue.
Collaborating and working with her on his art would put my relationship with him on the backburner, he told me. I wanted to work through it-- I really did. But, I knew the right decision was to let him go and pursue this.
His art.
His music.
His... Everything.
It's so important to him. I am not going to be in the way of that. The connections he builds with others.
My love for him is stronger than my selfish desire to keep him to myself. It feels like fucking La La Land.
But holy fuck did it hurt like a bitch. Medicine. It hurts, but it's what's best. Was there something I could have done? Could we have tried it out? But then I would be hoping for them to break up. Or for her to change her mind about being polyamorous. That's not in my nature. I want him to be happy. I love him-- so so much. My heart aches. I let the feeling happen.
I meet her (myself) with love.
I will be kind to her.