I started off this morning terribly. I was sad. I felt like I wasn't worth fighting for. Worth loving the way I love others. I was so tummy hurt over Kanz. We got into a weird scuffle the night before. Oh well.
As I sat driving down Park Ave on my way home from work during my lunch, something had occurred to me. Chappell Roan's Casual played loudly in the background. To these people I gave pieces of my heart to... Steven, Kanz, Dozer, Liam, etc. I was just a girl they fucked on their couch. Something in me clicked.
Now when we kiss, I have anger issues
Yeah, that's all they ever saw me as.
But, the Queen of Swords told me otherwise. She reminded me of who I was. I'm independent. I'm strong. I'm straight, to the point, and know how I need to be loved. I used to be so scared to hold space for myself, to advocate for myself.
But,
I'm worth it.
_____
I texted Steven. I let him know I wasn't cool with how he treated me after we had sex. He read it and didn't respond.
There's the door, bitch!! There's the door!
_____
I texted Kanz that I wanted to chat.
"Scary."
The words he used. Not quite! Just re-establishing expectations and boundaries!
Kanz said he was hungry and asked if I wanted to get food.
I'm at work, but come by during my break! We can get coffee?
No response.
Okay... I'm off at 7? We can link up then?
No response.
Okay. Let me know when you think of me, I guess.
I sit in front of Cyclops Coffee, drinking my iced chai under the sun, journaling.
Life is beautiful. And so am I.