Journal Entry 2 (Part 2)

February 27, 2026

**Author's note at the end**

Kanz asked me to get dinner with him. I said yes. But I'm nervous- I feel like I'm getting stage fright!

Do it scared.

I truly am hoping for the best, but am fully aware it can go south very quickly. My hands are shaking.

Do it scared.

I like Kanz a lot. But, I also want someone who will love me the way I know I need to be loved. I need to know that the other person is willing to put in that same time with me. Now, that doesn't inherently mean texting me every waking moment or being with me everyday every second. I am fully aware lives are meant to be lived and that the universe does not revolve around me.

But even little sweet things matter to me. Dropping by to give me a little treat at work, spending 15-20 minutes just talking to me during my break or lunch.

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My love language I need is quality time and acts of service. Carve out time to spend with me, even if it's a short while. Text me when you are thinking of me, even if it's something stupid you think will make me laugh. I just need to know that you value me the way that I value you!! That isn't too much to ask for-- I know it isn't. Because if that was asked of me, I would do it.

Not only would I do it. I already do.

I find ways to show the other person I care about them. Thoughtfulness. That's what I want. My favorite snack. Learning my favorite snack...? Learning more about me! Give a shit about me!! Because! I give a shit about you!! What a fucking concept.

This is just stream of consciousness at this point.

_____

**Author's Note**

Kanz and I had dinner and talked about what expectations were to look like. I thought we had a very good conversation, but alas, hindsight is 20/20. I expressed to Kanz the kind of love I was looking for and how I need to receive love. The little ways I needed to know that I was loved. He had then told me that because he was a full time student and worked full time, his priorities lie there. But, he eventually would like to be that partner that brought me coffee to work or treats just to see me. During this time though, school and work is where he needed to focus his energy. I accepted this truth whole heartedly and knew what I was getting into. Yes, yes, I can hear you all now. "If he wanted to, he would." That's the issue. I thought he wanted to, and was just waiting for the "would" part of it.