I went out last night with Chrys and Janes to a Rocky show. One of my first times going to a show post... everything, with the last group. I felt like a virgin. It was so fun. It wasn't until we got to Sword of Damocles that I felt my heart swell-- I missed performing so much. I drunkenly joined Bit of Mustard's group. I'm so excited. I was super friendly and touchy with Janes-- but I didn't feel romantic attraction toward him. It was genuinely a friendship I felt so much love for.
I messaged Kanz throughout a lot of it, even sent him a few voice memos. I missed him, but it felt nice to remember that I love talking with other people. Friendships are important to me, too. I was a bit sad. I asked him if I performed if he would come watch me. He said if it was my birthday-- basically, it's not his scene. That's fine, but this is something that's important to me. It's not necessarily the fact that he won't go to Rocky, moreso that he isn't willing to experience something I like when I'm alwaya willing to try new things with him. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt... But it kind of made me sad. I hope he's okay. He seems a little off. I'm not sure if he needs space or if he's waiting for me to say something. He'd reach out though, right? I trust him enough to tell me if something is wrong.
I miss him. I hope he's doing okay.